an anniversary to forget

A year ago today, I did something I'd rather not remember, but I can't seem to forget. Something that changed the course of my life forever. I posted a blog entry. Sounds harmless, right? People do it every day. But this time was different. I wrote some thoughts that certain people didn't agree with, feelings they didn't understand and couldn't deal with. The reaction was so explosive, I thought I would never recover from "the blog that hit the fan." (Don't try to go back and look for it - I took it offline long ago.)

True, my life hasn't been the same since, but it's not as devastating as it sounds. I may not be totally recovered yet, but it consumes a lot less of my time and energy. The life I have now is a life that I couldn't even visualize when I published my feelings online on May 22, 2005. God is good, and I give him the glory for getting me through that ordeal in one piece. I am a lot more careful about what I write these days, though.

In the year since my blog, so much has happened in my life. The biggest events that happened were my husband closing his business and taking a job; we moved our family 2,000 miles away from home, to a place where we knew no one; and my mom was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. Everything felt out of our control, and it was. With all of the stress, shame, loneliness, anger, depression and grief I went through, I thought 2005 would never end. I was glad to wake up on New Year's Day feeling some hope.

You see, before, I was just going through life, but now I feel as if I have woken up, I've become "real." This past year, I've definitely experienced some of my highest highs and lowest lows, but all the time I've been growing in God's love. He has become more of a reality to me than ever.

Family is precious; true friends are a rare treasure. My love for my husband has multiplied because when I went out on that limb and others wanted him to discredit my thoughts, he backed me up and shared the consequences of my actions with me. He never made me feel as if I had done anything shameful. But God gets the credit for all of those things too, because He has given me His love, His Spirit, His forgiveness, salvation and an inheritance, even when others condemned me.

So, for those of you who played a part in judging and ostracizing us, you wounded us, but you did not destroy us. I can finally say that I forgive you as Jesus forgives me. And for those of you who love me and have stood by me and encouraged me through this year, THANK YOU! I love you more than words can say.